A Letter To The Younger Me

Hey man.

If time machines were legit, I’d totally read this letter to you by travelling back in time. But no matter.

Before you read this though, I think you should know something. It’s just a small request. I say this, because there are others like you out there, and its your job as Mr.Nice Guy to ensure that they don’t feel the same way as you do. Yes, the hottest fire forges the strongest steel, but, at times, the fire is too hot, and the steel melts. Don’t melt, my friend, and stop others from melting too.

There will be a point of time when you feel like throwing up, because you’re upset about something, and you don’t even know why you’re upset. That point of time, is where you shoould start writing blogs, and you should keep it up. Why? Because it’s a talent, and talents are supposed to be showcased with flourish, rather than encased and allowed to grow mouldy.

There will be times when you feel like giving into despair, to give up. Have faith during those times, and make sure that you don’t give in to your fears. There will be people around you, and all you need to do is talk to them. When you’ll be made to walk on eggshells, you’ll curse the world for it, and you have every right to do so. But don’t give up. Never give up. You need to forge your own path for it to matter, and if it means you need to slog all day, all night, then do it (gosh, I feel like my dormant science student is waking up again). Don’t feel that you lack motivation; it’s the exact opposite. There’s a lot of motivation all around you; you just don’t see it, and you’re too blind, and to some extent, arrogant to see it.

You’re a wallflower, and yes, you will remain so. Maybe forever. But like all flowers, you are beautiful just the way you are. Don’t change yourself for the sake of someone, r for achieving something. You’ll feel lonely (to the point of being called a third wheel), and you’ll feel pan and misery beyond comprehension, and it will kill you inside. But don’t hold it in. Share. If you hold it in… well, you’ll become violent, and trust me, although you probably won’t be able to hit hard enough to actually hurt someone physically (yes, you shall remain thin and weedy in the future as well), you’ll still end up hurting the people you care about. Your friends, mostly. Which is why, continue writing this blog. It’ll help you keep your sanity (not that you’re sane, but still)

Oh, and a simple and frank advice, don’t be an ass. Be open, and be honest. It’ll do you wonders. Do what you want, rather than what society, your friends, or your parents want. They aren’t gonna live your life ahead, and trust me, if you do what you want, you’ll end up living a happier life. You take a decision, and you stick to it. I know, I know, you have serious doubts on yourself, thinking that you’ll end up taking the wrong decision and facing the repercussions later on. But take the plunge. Faith. Belief. They will eventually make you do it, and once you believe in yourself, things will start falling into place.

Despite what you think, your parents? They care. They love you. It just doesn’t seem evident enough to you at the time, and trust me, the spats which you have with them? You’re going to look back and regret them, because, somewhere along the line, you’ll realise that they’ve been right all along. So do what they ask you to (which includes washing your own clothes, because that’s a skill that you’ll desperately need in the future)

Also, make it a point to talk to your cousins more. It gets a little lonely in the future, and a little sad when you’re the awkward potato of the family, and you see all your other cousins bonding, while you sit in some other state and listening to Dire Straits. Nevermind.

Don’t be depressed that you look like a truck. Its okay. Things will get better (not that you’ll suddenly look hot when you turn 18 or something, but still). You’ll understand that things like looks matter the least. You won’t get any girl magically either, and yes, you’ll probably be friend-zoned a lot, and there will be people who’ll say, ‘Dude, you’re such a player’, just because you know a few girls (akhil, Gaurav, that’s you). There will be moments when you’ll need their support, and they will give you all the warmth and friendship you need (oh, but they’ll probably chase you out of their houses if you ask for food, so manage something on your own if you’re hungry). You’ll get sermons from some of your friends, and then you’ll have people coming into your life and going away just as quickly. My suggestion? Don’t get too attached to them, because you’ll probably end up feeling as if you’ve been used, and that’ll be catastrophic for your self-esteem. As they saying goes, ‘it is foolish to conjure up woes where none exist’ (some famous guy said these words (yes, I am that famous guy)).

Responsibility is something that you’re probably going to have to get used to, because there’ll be a helluva lot of pressure on you to work as a team leader in college. Daunting, yes, but don’t be afraid. Oh, and that alarm which used to ring at 6:00 AM? Its gonna start ringing at 5:00 AM, and you’re actually going to wake up. So i suggest you start practising how to wake up that early from now itself.

In the end, I’ll just say this: Humour is a good way to hide your pain, but don’t be afraid to shed a tear when you’re afraid, angry, or sad. Everyone needs to vent, and some people drink, some smoke, some dance, and others use music. You? You’re a writer, and the day you stop feeling, is the day you stop writing. So don’t feel bad to shed a few tears now and then. We all like to be reminded that we’re all humans.
P.S. potatoes are the best. (you’ll say this a lot in college, so its better that you inculcate the habit now itself)

All the best, man.

Yours truly (I dunno, am I supposed to write this if I’m addressing the letter to myself?)

Aparajit
—X—X—-X—
Hey guys. So, that was my letter to myself. I know, I know. It’s weird. I mean, why would I write a letter to myself, right?

But you know, it’s been a long time since I praised myself and showed off on my blog, and I figured I should do it, otherwise I’d be losing my touch. At the same time, this post also works as a weird, indirect way of apologising to my parents, because, honestly, and to put it bluntly, I was an ass to them, yelling at them, and blaming them for my self inflicted misery. I guess after living alone for three months, watching a sunrise, then watching the sun set majestically on the same day, after climbing five cliffs, realisation hit me. Anyways.

So this post has another motive as well. I am a person with low self-esteem. I’m not even embarrassed to admit it. And self-love is an important part of life. I’m afraid that there will come a day when I just lose myself completely, and will stop blogging. This post would then serve as a reminder of the real reason why I began my blog, and jolt me back to my senses.
My friend writes about self-love in her blog, and she’s amazing. I’m kinda jealous of her, but that’s a different story. So this post… I guess this is a kind of, er, contribution. Maybe more of a tribute. I dunno.

Okay so enough with being the good guy. I don’t treat all people the same way, least of all people whom I’m jealous of.

Anyways, I probably won’t write till like, 20th of october, since I have my exams coming up. I’ll be done with one semester of my college (yay!), and I need to add the finishing touches with good marks in order end it on a good note. Another, less important blockade that I face as of now would be that my phone screen cracked (accidentally) and hence, I can’t reply to your reviews and comments instantaneously, since it’s been throwing tantrums of late.
Well, till next time, guys!
-Apra-out ~(O_O~)

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