Hey guys. Back.

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The Crumbling Seat

Long time, huh? Do forgive me for my temporary hiatus from writing stuff. Its just been hectic (that’s my way of saying that I did have time, but then I spent it on doing random stuff).

Anyways, I got into a college, and I got into a college of my choice, no less, with my choice of subjects. I’m doing a triple major course in Communication, English, and Psychology.
Its been two weeks since the first day, and honestly speaking, I find it difficult to fit in.
Yes. It’s difficult for me.

I think it’s about time I address this issue that I have. Its the issue of being reserved. Of being…silent.
Yes, I am extremely silent. Yes, my interaction with strangers is largely limited to nods and a curt ‘yes’. And I cannot help it.

Now isn’t it ironic, how a guy, who is so open to the world via his blog, has difficulty talking to a bunch of random teenagers and making new friends?
But that is the case with me (yes, thank you, I know I am weird.)

I’m the kind of person who goes nuts around someone whom I’m comfortable with. Honestly, anyone who knows me well will tell you how cray I am. But the turbulent period of time when I’m in the process of knowing someone is literally a very annoying phase where I’m surrounded with awkward silences.

The issue is that this particular problem of mine impairs my ability to communicate with a whole lot of people, including my own family members. Which basically makes me a GI Joe toy between a whole lot of teddy bears (my way of saying that I am socially awkward). I don’t fit in.

I face this difficulty particularly in college. I mean, its like I’m in a restaurant, and every time I want to order something, the price jumps up like a freaking warning signal (which usually isn’t far from the truth, now that I think about it). I wanna talk to a guy and develop a friendship, and bam! I can’t converse beyond the usual ‘Hi, what’s your name, where are you from’ and all that usual introductory garbage. I wanna talk to a girl, aaannndd *badum tsss*. I clam up.

I thought that I’ll get used to it, but then, now its getting a little tiring, and frankly, a little lonely.
Moreover, my course has a whole lot of emphasis on theater (something that I haven’t done. Ever.) and most of the people drink (which again, is something that I’m not into). Neither can I be cool by saying that I play the guitar, nor can I dance. Basically, I’m just sitting there like (._.’)

Yup, my self esteem is going for a six right now.

But I guess…things will turn around for me. They always have.
Anyways, now that I’ve told you my sad story, I’ll come to the nicer parts. I have a few people whom I meet every day. Then there is a girl whom I talked to, and we roamed around for a few days. But naturally, my rotten luck pretty much showed itself after the initial excitement of finding a friend. I often think that girls (and guys; please, I do not intend to be sexist) consider new people as toys. Walk around, play, do random shit, have fun, then forget about them. I think its safe to say that something of the very same sorts happened to me. Nevermind. But yeah, I did meet this awesometastic blogger, who sits next to me, and I swear, she is totally nuts.

Come to think of it, this wasn’t much of an illuminating post, and honestly, it wasn’t something that I put a lot of effort into. However, it is a post, and I did want to share it. Like I’ve said earlier, this blog is more like a diary to me. I pour everything out. So that’s all for now.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot. The photo. This particular photo…. I dunno. It was more of a random click. Again, this was a part of my wanderings in Pune. As for my admission in SIMC (Symbiosis), my name was on the waiting list, and I figured it’d be better if I joined Christ University. Anyhow, that’s all for now. Again, all criticisms and feebacks are welcomed.

-Apra-out ~(O_O~)

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